Why Freeway Traffic Slows to a Stop

I have a theory as to why traffic on our local freeways slow to a stop on a regular basis.  It's not due to accidents or there being large ojects in the middle of the road.  I know this because the traffic always mysteriously opens up again at some point and there is no trace of evidence that it had anything to do with one of these two reasons.  It is merely the culmination of traffic acumulating behind slow drivers in all lanes.  These slow drivers create a bottleneck resulting in stopped traffic several miles behind them.  I know they do not realize they are doing this, but it is not ok.  We have a lane dedicated to the slow,  the far right one.  That's where you belong. 

If you are in one of the two far left lanes, these are for drivers who plan on going about 5-10 miles over the speed limit.  And this is acceptable.  Its what keeps the natural order of things and keeps traffic accidents from happening.  You slow people in the fast lane, you cause the accidents.  People are cruising along and then come up upon your slow ass and this causes problems.

Now I'm going to give a few of you the benefit of the doubt that you don't realize you are a slow driver in the wrong lane.  So here are some tips that may help you identify yourself.

• More than 3 cars have passed you on the right
• Your car was manufactured before 1995
• You see a string of 4 or more cars piled up behind you in your rear view mirror
• You are on your cell phone, handset or handsfree, doesn't matter
• You are eating
• You are reading, yes you are, I've seen you and it scares me
• You are following a GPS or map, yes this slows you down because we all have to turn down the radio and drive slow, especially when we're getting close, to follow those things

Please review these tips, identify yourself and move to the right please.